I’ve never found…

I’ve never found my “tribe”

They’re out there somewhere
Sharing tea and biscuits
Telling stories of what happened today and yesterday and last week
Giving hugs and sharing advice
Admiring each other’s stitching or knitting or paintings
Talking about what they are planting in their garden this year
Invites for walks
Talking history
Showing their latest favourite book
Listening to music together
Coffee morning plans
Sharing their latest writing work in progress
Just, always there for each other

I’ve never found my tribe

They’re out there somewhere

Cute Face


Moving forward

I’ve mentioned on here the various life journeys my younger son (now in his mid twenties) has been travelling in his life. He continues to live with depression, though he has told me that thanks to a reduction in his medication (though it has gone up and down a couple of times) and the support of his doctor, he feels as if he is beginning to emerge from what he calls “the fog”. He is in a new relationship and very happy. Just over a year ago, he asked his doctor to put him on the dietician’s waiting list and he subsequently was allocated a place. He took it all in his stride and since February last year, has reduced his weight by 6 stones 11 lbs (95 pounds) and continues to follow his healthy eating plan. He is focussed and following a firming and fitness exercise regime. I’m very proud of him. I know only too well how hard it is to stick to a weight reducing plan, so I admire his perseverance and courage. Love you, sweetheart x

Cute Face

I found your coat, Dad

I found your coat, Dad. The one you wore in the rain. Waxy and brown, a bit scuffed at the cuffs. You wore it the day we walked to the park with my first born. Pushing the pram in the drizzle. You wore a smile a mile wide. I remember a day a year before, the day I had lost a baby. “You have plenty of time” you said. You spoke true and the tear in your eye made me believe. It helped me a lot to heal, Dad.

I found your coat, Dad. It’s in the photographs of you with my sons. That special trip you went with them on the train. You took them to Glasgow, to see the dinosaur exhibition. You were so excited to be with them, like a little boy again. Your smile breaks my heart. They loved being with you that day, their Papa. They miss you too, Dad.

I found your coat, Dad. It was at the back of my wardrobe. It still had your badge on the corduroy collar. I must have brought it home after you died. I was not myself for a while. I wanted you to be there, wearing your coat. But you had gone. You lay on the kitchen floor, eyes open and still warm. But you had gone, Dad.

I found your coat, Dad.

Cute Face

After all this time

Can we continue that day?
That day we walked in the sun
across the meadow near your house
where flowers nodded their heads in the breeze
where we held hands
as if the world would never end

Are you waiting?
just around the corner
where we said goodbye
just testing me
to see if I would still love you
after all this time